Who are we?

Dr. Meat:
As a boy my father made me eat the vital organs of my first whitetail buck. Since then my lust for blood and wild game has only increased. Throughout high school using a small knife sharpener, I gradually and ritualistically ground my incisors into fangs. Surprisingly, this got me a lot of pussy in college. These days I quench my thirst for awesomeness with nudie mags and gory video games. I have the unique ability to only be able to pick two out of three winners in a three-game NFL parlay. And I take great pride in my hygiene and fashion sense. If you want to go there, I’ve already been. And I most surely can piss further and more accurately than anyone you know. Enjoy my knowledge.

EvilJeenyus:
I’m just a boy that was born in small-town, middle America, but now I live the life of the rich, famous and ridiculously good-looking on the beach in LA. Kinda like the Beverly Hillbillies. One day, I hope to have my own Hills-like reality TV show, tentatively titled: “Stunningly Average White Guy” in which I will walk around in my underwear and curse at the camera constantly.
Nowadays, I am your typical office drone and web pirate. I have voyaged to the edge of the interwebs and back in my quest to alleviate boredom and seek spiritual enlightenment and my fortune. I’m a lot like Columbus in that way, except without all the raping of the natives and scurvy.
I’ll be writing on this little circle jerk of a website in order to make my workplace situation somewhat bearable and to expound on the surreal nature of the universe through dick and poop jokes. Perhaps you will enjoy it, or perhaps you can go fuck yourself.
Also, I hate people. Buckle up.

SlappyMcNutsack:
I fart in the elevators.
I trip your kids as they run unattended in the grocery store.
I leave the toilet seat up.
I cut you off mid-sentance.
I take over the armrest on the airplane.
I talk during your backswing on the golf course.
I honk when you aren’t moving right when the light turns green.
I suggest splitting the bill evenly after I ordered lobster.
I piss on your car door handle.
I steal the newspaper off your door step.
I shoot your dog with a BB gun when it barks too loud.
I told your kids that Santa isn’t real.
I fill your email box up with spam.
I eat your lunch from the refigerator at work.
I door ding your car in the parking lot.
I talk loud on my cell phone in restaurants.
I post topless pictures of your daughter from spring break on the internet.
I double park in expectant mother parking spots.
I spit my gum out where I know you’re going to step in it.
I knock over your trashcans.
I talk loud when you’re trying to watch TV.
I ask you when the baby is due when I know your not pregnant.
I sneak into the womens restroom and piss on all the toilet seats.
I let my phone ring in the movie theater.
I take huge dumps in public restrooms, then don’t flush.
I laugh when you cry.

I’m the guy you love… to hate.

I am SlappyMcNutsack.

El Chupacabra:
I grew in the NYC area and growing up I noticed something special about myself. I am an equal-opportunity offender, yes I said and I am proud of it. Now you may say that’s not something to be proud of, to those people let me give you the one finger salute and remind you your number 1. I mean it you truly are.
As you know from my previous post I am a closet soccer fan, hey something has to replace Football after the Super Bowl. I’m all for watching any sport where loads of Guinness is readily available. And in closing, I like to observe people in their natural habitat. This is due to my uncanny ability to see someone and make a cultural observation as to who the person resembles. Slappy can vouch for this, simply ask him about Dynamo.