eviljalapeno.com » Asshole Of The Week

MLB Discussion

El Chupacabra — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:20:20 +0000

The BJ:how is Griffy treating ya?
El Chupacabra: don’t know all I know is the the Yankees are in first
The BJ:dude
The BJ:are you saying what I think you are?
The BJ:although I can’t get over the fact that you are a yankmeoff fan
El Chupacabra: I’m from NYC, I just moved to Seattle
El Chupacabra: jack off
The BJ:and?
El Chupacabra: it could be worst
The BJ:so what’s your point?
El Chupacabra: I could be a phillies fan
The BJ:you did not just say that
El Chupacabra: I think i did let me check

	El Chupacabra: it could be worst

	El Chupacabra: I could be a phillies fan

El Chupacabra: yep I did
The BJ:all I can say is name on one hand how many phils did steroids in the past 5-10 years
The BJ:name on two hands how many yanks did
The BJ:they are not legit
El Chupacabra: Dykstra

The BJ:1
The BJ:and that was 16 years ago
El Chupacabra: and The fat one from baseball tonight
The BJ:Kruk did not
The BJ:quite obvious b/c he was fat
El Chupacabra: lol
El Chupacabra: that was camouflage for the roids
The BJ:lol
The BJ:no way
The BJ:he had nut cancer
The BJ:he did not do roids
The BJ:I think you need to look at yourself and the mirror and figure out what is important in life.
The BJ:I guarantee it’s not the Yanks
El Chupacabra: David Bell, Gary Bennett, Jr., Paul Byrd, Lenny Dykstra, Ryan Franklin, Jeremy Giambi, Jason Grimsley, Todd Pratt and Benito Santiago
The BJ:I said past 10 years
El Chupacabra: hey
El Chupacabra: they took’em
The BJ:we did not win shit with those guy
The BJ:guys
The BJ:Dykstra was the only one
The BJ:where did you get that list from?
El Chupacabra: all i have to say
El Chupacabra: is Riods were not illegal in baseball when they took them
El Chupacabra: for fans and the commissioner to get on their high horse now s BS
The BJ:it’s cheating
El Chupacabra: everyone benefited from the roids especially MLB
The BJ:Babe Ruth?
The BJ:Cy Young?
El Chupacabra: Like I said
El Chupacabra: they were not illegal
El Chupacabra: or a banned substance in MLB
The BJ:they did not take them and their records are being challenged
El Chupacabra: yes it’s fucked up
The BJ:that is my issue
The BJ:hey
El Chupacabra: but Selig needs to come off his high horse cause he knew about it and let it go on
El Chupacabra: till the senate got involved
The BJ:it’s like saying my web site is better than evil after I pay for a top dollar web designer
The BJ:and claiming I did it myself
The BJ:do you think Slappy would be happy about it?
El Chupacabra: He’s never happy
The BJ:HAHAHAHAHA
El Chupacabra: unless he’s getting paid
El Chupacabra: lol
The BJ:or drunk at a TT bar
El Chupacabra: or a reacharound
The BJ:or a dutch rudder
El Chupacabra: or a rusty trombone
The BJ:hot karl
El Chupacabra: and a dirty sanchez
The BJ:walrus
El Chupacabra: or performing the dolphin
The BJ:with a side of a cincinnati steamer
El Chupacabra: and across the river for a pittsburgh platter
The BJ:by way of a screwnicorn
El Chupacabra: and giving some chick the Indian goggles
The BJ:stuck
The BJ:damn!
El Chupacabra: lol
The BJ:roman helmet
The BJ:damnit that’s what I could not remember!
El Chupacabra: and then yelling the girl sister’s name and getting the bucking bronco
The BJ:yes!

Movie Review.

Dr. Meat — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 08:22:06 +0000

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra was absolutely horrible. I mean it sucked. Nice effort, assholes.

This how awesome I had hoped Storm Shadow would be:

This is how awesome he really was:

AotW: Kate from Lost

SlappyMcNutsack — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 05:56:43 +0000

Kate sucks.

If you think about it, she never really accomplishes anything, just screws shit up. She struts her stuff around, thinking she’s all hot shit, getting guys to fall for her, then goes and screws shit up for everyone. She can’t ever just do what she say’s she’s gonna do! She’s always wandering off and getting caught somehow, wasting everyones time and ruining their plans because they have to go save her again. Even when she’s trying to help, she somehow fucks everything up… or she can’t keep a secret… or she accidentally gives away some plan because she can’t lie worth a crap… UGH, I can’t stand her!

What a cunt.

AotW: Cows (Specifically, Cows in India).

Dr. Meat — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 07:45:48 +0000

If I ever find a genie’s lamp, these would be my three wishes:

1. I would want to wake up the next morning in a park, badly beaten with amnesia. In my pocket, a random locker key from the train station. In that locker, a small bag of $100 bills and 11 different passports.
2. I would want Kobe Bryant to be raped by Roger Clemens while Barry Bonds films it.
3. Finally, when the end of the world comes, it should involve robots with alien technology.

By the sound of this article, those robots better get their asses in gear. Maybe this is old news. But apparently, our demise WILL BE boring ol’ greenhouse gases. But not from cars or factories, no, but from cow farts. Bullshit? No, really bull shit. Get it? Cattle ass gas. I guess the asshole’s the real asshole this time? Ok, I’ll stop.

You’ve Got to be Fisting Me!

El Chupacabra — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:27:22 +0000

Ok I have seen some crazy shit being sold by people trying to cash in on Obama, but this one is too funny. I introduce the Chia Obama, yes you heard right! This Chia comes in two versions “Happy” and “Determined”. The animation is hilarious, you can see how Obama would look like with a Fro and corn roles.

Did no one have the imagination to make a Chia Bush or better yet a Chia Lewinsky cigar dispenser the name alone makes me want to buy one.

AotW: Kumar

SlappyMcNutsack — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:04:25 +0000

I hate when actor’s think that just because people recognize their faces, that they are important, especially those fuckheads that use their grammy acceptance speaches to make a politcal statement…
Anyway the next asshole to step up and do some stupid shit is Kumar (Kal Penn).

So, Kumar just left his role on the show “House” to go work for The White House administration. He’s accepting a position where he “will focus on doing outreach activities to help connect the general public and the White House.”

Seriously? Can anyone take his ass seriously?

So he’s been in other shit, like Namesake, House, whatever, etc… but I don’t think anyone will ever see him as anything other than Kumar. Even on House I couldn’t see past it. He’ll always be the White Castle eating, bong hitting, Kumar. Perhaps everyonce in a while I’ll see him as Taj from Van Wilder… but I don’t think anyone will ever be able to take him serious. Honestly, I don’t think anyone wants to take him seroiusly.

What a Douche!

Full Story: http://www.etonline.com/news/2009/04/72586/

Um.

Dr. Meat — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 10:40:10 +0000

So, Oprah is so damn hangry she could eat Tyler Perry. And I’d bet my pimp hand that The View has lost their minds discussing all the different ways Chris Brown should die. But what’s more entertaining are the views of America’s teens: (taken from some Boston rag here)

Hip-hop star Chris Brown’s arrest for allegedly beating singer Rihanna has sparked outrage in the media for weeks, but a survey conducted by the Boston Public Health Commission found almost half of Hub teens think she is to blame for the assault.

“Somehow young people have gotten the message that this is just part of a relationship,” said anti-violence advocate Deborah Collins-Gousby.

Of the 200 Boston youths (ages 12 to 19) surveyed last month, 51 percent said Chris Brown was responsible for the incident, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible and 52 percent said both were to blame; 52 percent said the media was treating Brown unfairly; 44 percent said fighting was a normal part of a relationship; and a “significant” number said “Rihanna was destroying Chris Brown’s career.” Women blamed Rihanna as much as men did.

Here’s a few things we know:
1. Rihanna is spanktastic. Who knew short hair could be hot?
2. Oprah is an emotional eater. So, expect her to be back up to 3 bills here pretty darn soon.
3. Chris Brown was “visually abused” growin’ up.

So, they’re back together. I guess they are recording a duet? How sweet. You can bet that everything will be back to normal once “Hey Boo, I’m Sorry You Talked Back To Me” hits No. 1 on the charts?
I’d never condone hitting a woman.*
But let’s at least say this smells like, “I’m sorry I went completely fucking ape shit crazy on you. Let’s sing a song together. You know I can’t function without some sort of dysfunction in my life. It’s all I’ve ever known. I promise, no more crazy talk.”
It’s either that or she walks away without even a blink, and starts dating a nice Jonas brother, right? Jesus.

*I would hit a woman, fight her to the death, in fact, if she challenged me to a Street Fighter-like duel complete with combo and finishing moves.

OctoMeatCurtains

SlappyMcNutsack — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 01:02:02 +0000

I’m actually a big fan of Vivid Entertainment, but somethings people just dont want to see.
Vivid’s offering the Octomom $1Million to be in a porn.
http://www.tmz.com/2009/02/25/octomom-nadya-suleman-porn/

Can you just imagine how nasty and worn out her hole is? ew.

AOTW: A letter to McDonalds

SlappyMcNutsack — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 09:20:22 +0000

Dear Mcdonalds,
When the fuck are you bringing back the McRib?!?!?!?!
And why do you have to be such douchebags and only keep it around for a “limited time”?

ASSHOLES!

Sincerly,
SlappyMcNutsack

Sidenote #1 – Check out this McRib Locator:
http://kleincast.com/maps/mcrib.php

Sidenote #2 – People that pronounce McDonalds “Mac”Donalds are ghey.

AotW: IBM

SlappyMcNutsack — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:55:35 +0000

Last week on Tuesday, IBM rallied the stock market by announcing record earnings. The CEO sent every employee an email thanking them for their hard work and bragging about how it was the first time in history they exceeded $100billion in revenue.

That was Tuesday. Wednesday morning the phone calls went out and they made 16,000 layoffs.

Then today, not even one full week later, they put out statements talking about how they are pretty much recession-proof!

WTF IBM! For that, you are our ASSHOLE of the Week!

Other Layoffs that were annouced today:
5000 at Microsoft
8000 at Sprint
7000 at Home Depot
2000 at GM
6000 at United Airlines
8000 at Pfizer