I was at Wendy’s and got a Medium value meal, when I stumbled on to this cup.

WTF

Can you spot the power top? Holy crap how the hell did they miss this?

The BJ:how is Griffy treating ya?
El Chupacabra: don’t know all I know is the the Yankees are in first
The BJ:dude
The BJ:are you saying what I think you are?
The BJ:although I can’t get over the fact that you are a yankmeoff fan
El Chupacabra: I’m from NYC, I just moved to Seattle
El Chupacabra: jack off
The BJ:and?
El Chupacabra: it could be worst
The BJ:so what’s your point?
El Chupacabra: I could be a phillies fan
The BJ:you did not just say that
El Chupacabra: I think i did let me check

	El Chupacabra: it could be worst 

	El Chupacabra: I could be a phillies fan 

El Chupacabra: yep I did
The BJ:all I can say is name on one hand how many phils did steroids in the past 5-10 years
The BJ:name on two hands how many yanks did
The BJ:they are not legit
El Chupacabra: Dykstra

(more…)

EvilJeenyus: you watch lost?
SlappyMcNutsack: yeah
SlappyMcNutsack: u watch last night
EvilJeenyus: yep
EvilJeenyus: awesome
EvilJeenyus: the intro was great
EvilJeenyus: setting up a big battle between good and evil
SlappyMcNutsack: yeah, but
SlappyMcNutsack: good v evil is so lame… its overdone
SlappyMcNutsack: it should be like science vs religion
SlappyMcNutsack: or what if the magnetic field reacted to the nuke, and then the Lifetime Network bought the rights to LOST and the final season was Pro Choice vs Pro Life
SlappyMcNutsack: or my favorite battle of all times
SlappyMcNutsack: Donuts vs Bagels
EvilJeenyus: please….
EvilJeenyus: donuts
EvilJeenyus: not a contest
EvilJeenyus: they’re FRIED
SlappyMcNutsack: yeah, i love donuts
SlappyMcNutsack: but
(more…)

Lycurgus: there should be a Jerking Off olympics
SlappyMcNutsack: that would mean several events
SlappyMcNutsack: what kinda JO events would exist?
SlappyMcNutsack: Distance?
SlappyMcNutsack: quantitiy?
Lycurgus: driving a manual while jerking
Lycurgus: yeah
Lycurgus: distance and quantity
Lycurgus: aim
Lycurgus: what’s that winter game where they ski to a target
Lycurgus: shoot the target
Lycurgus: then ski to the next one…
SlappyMcNutsack: bi-athalon
Lycurgus: yeah
Lycurgus: that
Lycurgus: although, we’d have to change the name
SlappyMcNutsack: back to your “driving a manual while jerking”
Lycurgus: yeah
SlappyMcNutsack: how would you judge that
Lycurgus: there’s got to be an obstacle course with cones
SlappyMcNutsack: but, does driver have to complete?
Lycurgus: and you have to complete by the time you cross the finish line
Lycurgus: yeah
SlappyMcNutsack: and how do u know he wont complete at start then finish the race
Lycurgus: driver has to complete
Lycurgus: have to start both at the same time
Lycurgus: or
Lycurgus: actually that’d be fine
Lycurgus: but might be a bad strategy
Lycurgus: if the other dude starts both at the same time
SlappyMcNutsack: hmm, requires more thought…. and some trial runs
Lycurgus: indeed
SlappyMcNutsack: maybe a HanJ olympics
Lycurgus: nice
SlappyMcNutsack: or that can be in the masturbation olympics as a group event
SlappyMcNutsack: team sport
Lycurgus: you could have duo’s
Lycurgus: team… not sure how that would work
SlappyMcNutsack: maybe like a relay
SlappyMcNutsack: like have a bunch of people on a Jerking team
SlappyMcNutsack: but you cant start till your team mate finishes
SlappyMcNutsack: then get a team time
Lycurgus: this is why i need to establish my financial independence
Lycurgus: so i can focus on more pressing matters like this
SlappyMcNutsack: agreed

Actual exchange with a friend today (Inauguration Day, cretins):

FunnyWeeAttorney: I feel like we just drafted a black quarterback and he is gonna try to run the ball a lot.

EvilJeenyus: Yeah, but he’s replacing the old quarterback that’s been concussed one too many times, so it’s definitely an upgrade.

I’m not one for partisan politics, so normally I don’t give much of a shit who is running the country, but we’re in the middle of a serious clusterfuck.  Something needed to change.  Republicans, you fucked up.  Democrats, it’s your turn again to try to prove that you’re the competent party.  I’m not holding my breath, though.  Good luck, Obama.

SlappyMcNutsack: you need to post the “weekly horrible betting advice”
EvilJeenyus: if i get around to it
EvilJeenyus: really busy with end-of-year tickets
EvilJeenyus: next 3 weeks are gonna be hell
SlappyMcNutsack: yeah yeah,  end of year… blah blah blah… black friday… cyber monday….. economy…. recession….
EvilJeenyus: dry mouth…stomach cramps…intestinal bleeding…
SlappyMcNutsack: stuffy head… diarreaha…
EvilJeenyus: if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours, contact a physician
SlappyMcNutsack: hurricane katrina… 9/11…
EvilJeenyus: the bubonic plague…the great depression…the dark ages…
SlappyMcNutsack: big bang theory… evolution… etc
SlappyMcNutsack: everybodys bitching about something
EvilJeenyus: wasn’t this an REM song?
SlappyMcNutsack: i think so… check your MP3 player… under your Favorites.
SlappyMcNutsack: it’ll be there… next to mariah carey and hootie

TheBJ: your turkey pic makes me never want to eat turkey again
SlappyMcNutsack: i know
SlappyMcNutsack: looks like someone raped it
TheBJ: lol
TheBJ: yeah that’s one way to put it
TheBJ: like the olivia munn pic
SlappyMcNutsack: yes, olivia is a goddess
TheBJ: i would toss her salad
TheBJ: if she ate corn for dinner I would consider eating it after
TheBJ: she’s so hot
SlappyMcNutsack: would u let her strap one on and take you?
TheBJ: there is a line
SlappyMcNutsack: what if she said, you could do ANYTHING you want afterwards.
TheBJ: man that’s a tough one
TheBJ: depends how much I had to drink to make that decision
TheBJ: u?
SlappyMcNutsack: so, say you had 2 beers
TheBJ: naa
SlappyMcNutsack: 6 ?
TheBJ: > 6 gets more thinking
SlappyMcNutsack: but you’d consider eating the corn out of her shit
TheBJ: if she was naked in front of me that would be hard to resist
TheBJ: yes of course
TheBJ: rather eat her corn than take it in the rear
SlappyMcNutsack: but, eating corn from her shit doesnt entitle you to have sex with her aftewards
SlappyMcNutsack: you just thru that out there
TheBJ: I know
TheBJ: eating her corn means I think she’s hot
TheBJ: like Rachel Hunter
TheBJ: don’t know why but I love her
SlappyMcNutsack: you’d eat rachel hunters corn shit?
TheBJ: yep
TheBJ: the corn in the shit
TheBJ: not the corn shit
SlappyMcNutsack: right
SlappyMcNutsack: so, same scenario, rachel hunter…. anything, anyhole, anytime you want it… but she’s gets to strap it on and take you once first.
TheBJ: tough call dude, there isn’t much I would NOT do but the thought of anything entering my asshole just isn’t cool
TheBJ: what would you do?
SlappyMcNutsack: ok dude… see, i think you would
SlappyMcNutsack: i think you’re just fronting now
TheBJ: you won’t answer
TheBJ: obviously you will
TheBJ: homo
SlappyMcNutsack: what would i do?
TheBJ: yes I asked you three times now
TheBJ: you won’t respond
SlappyMcNutsack: i’m not in this scenario… you are
TheBJ: pu$$y
TheBJ: afraid to answer
SlappyMcNutsack: Fuck no I wouldnt do it
SlappyMcNutsack: but, i know you would
TheBJ: b/c you fantasize about it you ph@g
SlappyMcNutsack: nah dude, i just know how ghey you are
TheBJ: not the one who thought of it in the first place homo
SlappyMcNutsack: but you came up with eating corn from the shit
SlappyMcNutsack: thats pretty sick dude
SlappyMcNutsack: i mean, seriously
TheBJ: think I care?
SlappyMcNutsack: so you like shit?
SlappyMcNutsack: do you only eat corn from shit
SlappyMcNutsack: or do you enjoy peanuts too
SlappyMcNutsack: perhaps a lima bean?
TheBJ: I would eat shrimp
TheBJ: peanuts
TheBJ: beans
TheBJ: scallops
SlappyMcNutsack: sesame seads?
TheBJ: clam
TheBJ: I don’t eat sesame seads on a bagel
TheBJ: so no
SlappyMcNutsack: glad to see you draw the line somewhere
TheBJ: I DO have my limits
SlappyMcNutsack: you’ll tounge fuck a log of turd… but fuck no, you wont touch a sesame seed

EvilJeenyus: ever tried those batter blasters?
SlappyMcNutsack: batter blasters?
SlappyMcNutsack: sounds like my dick
EvilJeenyus: pancake mix in a whipped-cream can
EvilJeenyus: it’s actually pretty ingenious

EvilJeenyus: like love in a can
SlappyMcNutsack: WHAT!? no way, i make pancakes every sunday, been trying to perfect my pouring technique
SlappyMcNutsack: i make peanut butter m&m pancakes… fkn awesome
EvilJeenyus: go to whole foods and pick up a can of batter blasters
SlappyMcNutsack: they taste good too?
EvilJeenyus: yep
SlappyMcNutsack: is it like pre-made mix, or can you put your own in
EvilJeenyus: pre-made mix, but you can throw whatever you want into it once you spray it in the pan
SlappyMcNutsack: if you are good like me, you can even make them on a foreman grill
EvilJeenyus: i make blueberry pancakes that are bomb-tastic
EvilJeenyus: i’ve got a griddle for my stove
SlappyMcNutsack: i have a griddle for my grill
SlappyMcNutsack: bbq pancakes
EvilJeenyus: grills are for meat
EvilJeenyus: and occasionally vegetables, if on a skewer with meat
SlappyMcNutsack: yes, but when you are making steak & eggs
SlappyMcNutsack: you can do it all at the grill
EvilJeenyus: actually, that’s a valid scenario
EvilJeenyus: i’ll allow it
SlappyMcNutsack: :)
SlappyMcNutsack: i noticed you went quiet for a second… you couldnt find a flaw in my statement
SlappyMcNutsack: then allowed it
SlappyMcNutsack: LOL
EvilJeenyus: well, i had to consider whether eggs are meat or not
SlappyMcNutsack: haha

SlappyMcNutsack: so, draw me a new logo dammit
SlappyMcNutsack: make yourself useful
SlappyMcNutsack: (cus you obviously aren’t contributing in any other manor)
SlappyMcNutsack: ((I’m trying to guilt you))
EvilJeenyus: oh, i get it
EvilJeenyus: i just don’t care
SlappyMcNutsack: a trick i learned while being married
EvilJeenyus: i grew up catholic, man
EvilJeenyus: guilt is our currency
SlappyMcNutsack: oh i’m sorry
SlappyMcNutsack: how old were you when it happened
SlappyMcNutsack: and is he in jail now?
EvilJeenyus: no way, our priest was too old and feeble to molest anyone
EvilJeenyus: any of the altar boys could have kicked his ass
SlappyMcNutsack: kinda like the old guy on family guy
SlappyMcNutsack: always trying to molest chris
EvilJeenyus: exactly
EvilJeenyus: hey there paperboy…
EvilJeenyus: you sure do have some muscle-y arms
SlappyMcNutsack: so he was old and frail, thats why he became a priest
SlappyMcNutsack: he knew people would kick his ass
SlappyMcNutsack: so he used his authority
SlappyMcNutsack: got boys to trust in him
SlappyMcNutsack: and threatened them that god would punish them for telling
SlappyMcNutsack: and god would never forgive them
SlappyMcNutsack: he told them it was ok for 2 men to share a sleeping bag on a camping trip… and told the boys that body heat woudl help keep them warm.
EvilJeenyus: is this autobiographical?
SlappyMcNutsack: no, you’re the catholic
EvilJeenyus: well, you have a vivid imagination when it comes to man-boy love
SlappyMcNutsack: nah, my people are different
SlappyMcNutsack: you ever watch to catch a predator
SlappyMcNutsack: my people go after girls… though young… still female

SlappyMcNutsack: hold please, about to go take my 4th shit of the day
EvilJeenyus: 4th? wtf are you eating? prune-filled oat bran muffins covered in ex-lax?
SlappyMcNutsack: i’m back
SlappyMcNutsack: naw dude, i’ve been taking metamucil every morning
SlappyMcNutsack: that shit is amazing
SlappyMcNutsack: its not a laxative per say
SlappyMcNutsack: but when you do shit
SlappyMcNutsack: you shit a lot
SlappyMcNutsack: and they are great shits too
SlappyMcNutsack: big
SlappyMcNutsack: and easy clean up!
SlappyMcNutsack: you should try it
SlappyMcNutsack: i think i turned Dr. Meat into a believer
SlappyMcNutsack: but i got Mrs. Slappy, and a few others on it
EvilJeenyus: what’s the point?
EvilJeenyus: more satisfying dumps?
SlappyMcNutsack: to make every dump an AMAZING dump
SlappyMcNutsack: with easy clean up
SlappyMcNutsack: plus, my travel schedule is wack, dont eat right while on the road, dont get enough fruits, etc. in my diet
SlappyMcNutsack: this is the fiber i need
SlappyMcNutsack: but its so satisfying, people that dont need it, take it
SlappyMcNutsack: your first metamucil shit will be almost religous
SlappyMcNutsack: oh yeah, not the metamucil wafers, not the pills, its got to be the orange powder
EvilJeenyus: i don’t have problems, so i think it would just cause me to shit my pants
SlappyMcNutsack: no, it wont
SlappyMcNutsack: just try it
SlappyMcNutsack: one of Mrs. Slappy’s friends cried and hugged me after her first metamucil shit, saying that she’s been waiting for that her whole life. and she claims she’ll name a kid after me
EvilJeenyus: cripes
SlappyMcNutsack: yea, just try it for 2 days
SlappyMcNutsack: then if you dont like it, i’ll give you your money back
EvilJeenyus: i don’t need to know about my friends bm’s
EvilJeenyus: ha
EvilJeenyus: you should be a salesman for them
SlappyMcNutsack: how do you know i’m not
SlappyMcNutsack: dude, i feel like i can breathe better after metamucil shits
SlappyMcNutsack: its like there’s this big void in my stomach now
SlappyMcNutsack: i feel like i can go for a run
EvilJeenyus: is this actually Slappy, or is this some new internet marketing technique?
SlappyMcNutsack: its like skipping thru the fields on the austrian hillside…
EvilJeenyus: V1AGRA!!! CHEAP!!!
SlappyMcNutsack: LOL
SlappyMcNutsack: i have issues…