From: http://www.xkcd.com

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra was absolutely horrible. I mean it sucked. Nice effort, assholes.

This how awesome I had hoped Storm Shadow would be:



This is how awesome he really was:

So with what spare time I do have, I’m either giving the dogs a bath or I’m reading comics in bed usually eating some chili-cheese fritos and slurping on the Liquid Artillery special from 7-11.
As of today, I’m somewhat caught up on this new Batman story.
SPOILER ALERT: HE’S DEAD.
Yeah, ok, super heroes have died before. Usually they come back. Well, they better bring back the Bat toot sweet. If I have to read too much more about this sissy Nightwing and his new side-kick, Batman’s turd-child, I’m gonna go Adam West on a hooker. And not old-time Adam West, I’m talking Family Guy Adam West. Seriously, it’s like the old Robin from the t.v. show somehow impregnated Luke Skywalker through ass rape. And out popped this whiny little ninja, Damian.
I refuse to accept that comics are written for kids. They’re to be written for me. Only me, with more sex and violence then is thought acceptable.
Superman, go find Batman and get his ass back to Gotham before it turns into shitville.

This blog is pushing through like a kidney stone. So, buckle up. There could be a lot of blood.
This one’s gonna be a slap-fest. We’re pitting “probably gay” Mr. Fantastic v. “maybe gay” Hugh Jackman.
Yeah, I know, Wolverine gay? He’s the bad-assiest bad ass ever? Well, did you see Jackman host the Oscars? Yeah, neither did we, but we heard it was a bunch of tight pants Broadway bullshit.
Round One: Mr. Fantastic v. Wolverine

Mr. Fantastic

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I don’t really have much to add here after finding these youtube gems. Kudos to the chap that took the time to break it all down. Granted, I’m gonna rearrange the order a bit, but these are fucking awesome any way you slice ‘em. Enjoy.
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Yeah, yeah, I know…it’s been awhile, but I’m back. It’s been hard to motivate what with figuring out how to spend all the money I’ve been winning during March Madness and then digesting the Battlestar Galactica finale. Anyway, here’s another epic installment of the greatest blog event in the history of history.
Round One: Silver Surfer v. Punisher

1. Kicking Ass.
The Surfer is another one of those characters that on paper looks to be god-like. His Cosmic Power, a “gift” from the giant purple world-eater whom he served for most of his time in comic books, in its description should make this guy unbeatable. He is, in a way, the blue-print (sorry) for Dr. Manhattan, and not only because they look similar and don’t wear pants. Surfer can bend time, alter matter, heal, and inhibit other mutant’s powers. He can also manipulate the evolution of organic life. Pretty cool.
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I downloaded the demo on PS3 for the new Watchmen game. Pretty good. Check it out:

It’s opening weekend for Watchmen, and though we hate people, we’re braving the crowds to bring you an eviljalapeno.com review from 3 different perspectives. Read the reviews after the jump.
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Back to it, jags.
Round One: Iron Man v. Lex Luthor


1. Kicking Ass.
The movie. Yeah. Pretty good. Moving on.
Iron Man is the original. A gold and red standard. He’s been dead a few times, or not. He’s fought everyone, lost and won. He’s got brains and strength due to various factors. The reactor in his chest. And some crazy techno-virus he injected himself with which makes him even more like a cylon. Understand, we dig robots. And we’re doing everything we can to align ourselves with the robots when they decide to take over the world. Everyone should know by now you’re going to either side with the robots or the zombies? The choice is simple. Need proof, skeptic ones?
But to get back on point, Iron Man can pretty much kick whatever ass he wants. And if he can’t, give him 5 minutes, and he’ll figure it out.
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And we get to see how overrated Watchmen will be. I’ve had a couple conversations with people of varying intelligence, and the consensus is that Watchmen is a decent read with it’s place as a somewhat groundbreaking book intact, considering when it was written.
However, I’m willing to bet my entire collection of original Stars Wars action figures that is movie will be another over-hyped, let down.
Am I a negative person? Usually.
But, can you name a movie in the last 10 years that has ever lived up to the hype? Especially, the hype brought on by comic book shop loitering, Kevin Smith look-a-like, fan boy virgins? I say no. But give it a try. And if you say Ghost Rider or Spiderman or Ghost Rider or Spiderman or Transformers, I’ll slash the tires on your van.