This video pretty much sums it up, but I’ll gladly take a few moments of my employer’s time to give you wankers a few more:
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When I’m having a bad day, I just watch this commercial. And thank the gods that I am amazing enough to appreciate this. I need to grow out my beard again, as do all of you. But first, I need to go buy some Dos Equis.

I’ve been known to occasionally visit websites that don’t involve cylons, superheroes, and fantasy baseball. Sometimes I even peruse websites that are supposed to report factual, important, world issues. Let’s say most of the time I like to think I have my finger on the pulse of planet Earth. I hear there are some important people in London this week. So, I figured I’d go to cnn.com to sort it all out.
Wrong. Check below the headlines this morning.
Folks, the end is nigh.

CNN.COM HEADLINES 8am EDT 04/02/2009
Latest News
N. Korea warns Japan not to shoot down rocket
Rollins: Obama finds the world blames U.S.
iReport.com: Is Obama risking overexposure?
Ticker: Obama makes iPod mix for the Queen
CNNMoney: Check the future of home prices
Nebraska family missing nearly two weeks
Neighbor, 59, admits kissing missing girl, 8
Indictment: Group held, tortured teen for year
Roland Martin: High cigarette tax? Great!
Mom urges kids to chug vodka, cops say
Man’s legs severed to fit in coffin?
Dad delivers baby using Internet how-to
Plug pulled on soap opera after 72 years
Pets, owners challenged by increasing allergies
KKTV: Man coughs up 30-year-old-nail
Jupiter’s Great Red Spot is shrinking 5 min
‘American Idol’ blog: Are you as happy as I am?
Valerie Bertinelli hanging on to fat clothes
CNN Wire: 20 militants killed in southern…

You can’t make this shit up. However, I did finally find what I was looking for regarding the crazy protesters and world leader ass-grabbing. And thankfully, evidenced by the picture below, nobody has anything to worry about. IT’S ALL GOOD.

I don’t really have much to add here after finding these youtube gems. Kudos to the chap that took the time to break it all down. Granted, I’m gonna rearrange the order a bit, but these are fucking awesome any way you slice ‘em. Enjoy.
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Submitted by El Chupacabra

For President’s Day, we’d like to share with you the real story of the events that took place at Ford’s theater the day that Lincoln was assasinated:

Larry Flynt, showing once again that he has balls the size of watermelons, is teaming up with the douchebag behind the Girls Gone Wild videos to request $5 billion dollars to bailout the porn industry. I love this story.


They’re not serious, of course, but I love the chutzpah. The porn industy has to be almost as recession-proof as any industry other than booze. They readily admit that they’re in no dire need, but they figure that as long as every other major US business institution has their hands out, hey, might as well take a shot.


Whatever your politics, I think everyone can agree that Flynt is a smart man, and he knows how to push all the right buttons. He points out a hypocrite as well as anyone, and right now he’s pointing at Congress and the fat cats running the auto and mortgage industries.

2. Alex Rogan had a dream. It involved kicking some Kodan Armada ass with something called a Death Blossom. And after this movie came out, I was finally proud to be living in a trailer park in rural Nebraska. For the record, yes, that guy is driving a Delorean.

Baseball’s winter meetings start in Vegas today, and with them all sorts of shit will start to go down. Billions of dollars worth of contracts will be signed. Trades will be consummated that will effect teams for years down the road. But the first order of business is the end of a career, as Greg Maddux is expected to announce his retirement. From STLtoday.com:

“The news that Maddux would retire was an above-the-fold story in Saturday’s Las Vegas Review-Journal. The righthander won four Cy Young Awards, starting with the Cubs but starring mostly with Atlanta, and he won 18 Gold Gloves, including one this past season. He’ll retire seven wins shy of passing Pud Galvin and Kid Nichols for sixth all time and 19 wins short of moving into third-place all-time by leapfrogging Pete Alexander and Christy Mathewson.”

Now, take another look at that quote for a second. When you’re in the neighborhood of Christy Mathewson (Wins) and Ozzie Smith (Gold Gloves), you’re a helluva player. And when you’re passing pitchers on MLB’s All-Time lists with names like “Pud” and “Kid” that probably pitched 500 innings a year from the time they were 15 until their arms fell off at 35, you’ve been around a while. Excellence AND longevity! Plus, look at that mustache up there! That’s Hall of Fame facial hair! There’s no question that he’s a first-ballot Hall of Famer when his time comes. It’s just fun to look back and realize that we’ve been able seen a rare talent for so long. I really hope he saved enough money to retire comfortably…

So, yeah, the J-E-T-S are pretty good this year. But let’s face it…they’ll NEVER be as good as they were when they had the greatest player the NFL has ever seen…FLASH! (AAAAAAAAAHHH!)
If you have any kind of spine you will watch this video and promptly run outside and tackle a toyota camry. Or go to a gay bar dressed as Freddie Mercury. Win-win, either way because this movie is top all-time awesome.

Smile guys!! OK, this time with both sides of the mouth, Milo!

So, do you think when Milo Ventimiglia is making sweet, sweet love to Hayden Panettiere in her cheerleader outfit, he thinks of the fact that he’s banging the plucky little girl from Remember the Titans? 

Fucking pervert.