“Who Dat!”

OK, you won the Superbowl… its over.
Move on with your lives.

Where’s Katrina when I need her!

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra was absolutely horrible. I mean it sucked. Nice effort, assholes.

This how awesome I had hoped Storm Shadow would be:



This is how awesome he really was:

We all know the feeling. Sometimes a man can only be pushed so far before he spits in the face of “the man”. So what else can a man be expected to do when he’s been backed into a corner? When his license has already been taken away for DUI and his thirst for cheap beer has not been quenched? Something deeply, profoundly stupid…

Via STLtoday:

BELLEVILLE, IL— With a revoked license because of a previous drunken-driving conviction, Dennis Cretton shouldn’t drive.

But authorities say that didn’t stop the 49-year-old Belleville-area man from drunkenly driving up to a gas station for more beer –on his yellow riding lawnmower.

Cretton has been charged with felony aggravated driving under the influence after neighbors reported he was weaving in and out of traffic on his lawnmower Friday night.

When deputies tried to stop him, authorities say Bretton drove the mower into his home’s front yard, his 12-pack of Milwaukee’s Best spilling onto the ground along the way.

Cretton is free on $10,000 bond. Calls to his home went unanswered Tuesday.

I hear multiple times per day from the Nutsack, “Put up a post you muthaofadouchebag” or “You’re the shittiest blogger of the face of the planet”, etc, etc.
He’s right, and I don’t really have a decent believable excuse for my lack of awesomeness besides that I’ve been working hundreds of hours a week saving the planet from destitute white-trash assholes that walk the Earth with an ultimate feeling of entitlement because this is America and they had a job once or because their grandfather was in ‘Nam or because their gay uncle molested them. Nevermind the fact that they smack their kids, ate a meth sandwich for lunch, or spent their welfare check on lottery tickets, it’s a hard-knock life out there hova. So when life gives you lemons, you gotta just learn to make poop toys.

Question:
If you’re a pedofile, and you’ve run out of tricks to lure kids to your bedroom (papparazi always following you, too many court subpenas, sold off your window-less van in your ranch auction), what options do you have left?

Answer:
Create a video game.

Looks like Michael Jackason is once again trying to wiggle his way back into the hands of little kids around the world (video game controller, not what you were thinking… perv).

See Source:
http://translate.google.com/translate?js=n&prev=_t&hl=nl&ie=UTF-8&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.9lives.be%2Fgamepublishers%2F9lives%2Fnieuws%2Fnieuw-michael-jackson-game-op-komst&sl=nl&tl=en&history_state0=

Maybe MJ’s been having a dryspell and he’s reverting to one of his old tricks, check out awesomeness (sarcasm) from 1990:

5 people who pissed me off today.

1) The asshole eating food really loud.
Does everyone in a 4 row radius from you on the plane really need to hear you chomping on your potato chips.. dick, your fat ass doesn’t need them anyway!

2) Highway drivers in St. Louis.
Faster traffic in the left lanes, slower traffic in the right lanes. How fucking hard is that?
Who the fuck drives 50 miles an hour in the fast lane! And quit driving right next to the other cars so nobody can pass you! Cunt!

3) Bluetooth wearing, loud cell phone talking mother fucker.
Another dickhead who needs to shut the fuck up! For fucks sake, am I the only one that doesn’t want everyone all up in my business when I’m on the phone. And really, a bluetooth headset isn’t a fashion statement, take the fucking thing out of your ear when you’re not using it.

4) The Douchebag who writes the whole content of their email in the subject line.
It’s a subject line… subject line… Not entire fucking message line. Are you really so fucking busy you can’t hit Tab once?

5) The other 3 writers on this blog.
Shit, you wanted to be a writer… so fucking write something! I’m sick of excuses like… I don’t have time at work, I’m at school, I’m fishing, I’m sucking a fat dick, I’m planning my wedding, I’m on my period, I’m ghey, etc…

Swine flu? Really? Come on, Mother Nature. Your attempts to thin out stupid people have been pretty weak lately. You’re not even gonna make a dent using something that can be prevented by soap and water? You haven’t done anything worth a shit since Katrina Deep Impact. I have some ideas. However, I’d have trouble convincing people that some of these were you. Whatever. Somebody’s gotta do it.

1. trap everyone at a Peta rally inside a theater and release killer bees
2. put the aerosol bio-weapon that’s killing Jack Bauer in AXE body spray
3. crop dust a few NASCAR races
4. sell peanuts tainted with salmonella exclusively at Yankee stadium
5. put a secret suicidal subliminal message in any song by Britney Spears or Amy Winehouse.
6. geese could fly into the jet engines of a plane carrying Skip Bayless, Sam Raimi, and the entire cast of The Hills
7. (feel free to chime in, losers)

This video pretty much sums it up, but I’ll gladly take a few moments of my employer’s time to give you wankers a few more:
(more…)

Kate sucks.

If you think about it, she never really accomplishes anything, just screws shit up. She struts her stuff around, thinking she’s all hot shit, getting guys to fall for her, then goes and screws shit up for everyone. She can’t ever just do what she say’s she’s gonna do! She’s always wandering off and getting caught somehow, wasting everyones time and ruining their plans because they have to go save her again. Even when she’s trying to help, she somehow fucks everything up… or she can’t keep a secret… or she accidentally gives away some plan because she can’t lie worth a crap… UGH, I can’t stand her!

What a cunt.

Ok I have seen some crazy shit being sold by people trying to cash in on Obama, but this one is too funny. I introduce the Chia Obama, yes you heard right! This Chia comes in two versions “Happy” and “Determined”. The animation is hilarious, you can see how Obama would look like with a Fro and corn roles.

Did no one have the imagination to make a Chia Bush or better yet a Chia Lewinsky cigar dispenser the name alone makes me want to buy one.