eviljalapeno.com » Video Games

Smoooooooooth Criminal

SlappyMcNutsack — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:42:38 +0000

Question:
If you’re a pedofile, and you’ve run out of tricks to lure kids to your bedroom (papparazi always following you, too many court subpenas, sold off your window-less van in your ranch auction), what options do you have left?

Answer:
Create a video game.

Looks like Michael Jackason is once again trying to wiggle his way back into the hands of little kids around the world (video game controller, not what you were thinking… perv).

See Source:
http://translate.google.com/translate?js=n&prev=_t&hl=nl&ie=UTF-8&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.9lives.be%2Fgamepublishers%2F9lives%2Fnieuws%2Fnieuw-michael-jackson-game-op-komst&sl=nl&tl=en&history_state0=

Maybe MJ’s been having a dryspell and he’s reverting to one of his old tricks, check out awesomeness (sarcasm) from 1990:

Finally. A Decent Video Game.

Dr. Meat — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:07:07 +0000

I downloaded the demo on PS3 for the new Watchmen game. Pretty good. Check it out:

Video Game Review: H.A.W.X. (PS3)

SlappyMcNutsack — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 18:41:43 +0000

I’m so fucking sick of shooters, nobody seems to be able to make one that comes even close to the awesomeness of the Call of Duty series, so until the next CoD game comes out (I’m so sick of WW2), I’m going to back away from shooters for a while.

With that said, I looked around for a driving or fighting game, but instead found a flight combat game, H.A.W.X.

While standing there lookign at the box, I thought, wow, this is going to suck ass… First, it has a lame name, Second, it’s made by UBISOFT, who took such an awsome concept like Rainbow Six Las Vegas, and made it a shitty game, Third, UBISOFT is French, wtf do they know about fighting, let alone a flight-combat game? So, as I set the box back down, I saw the game set up on a demo machine, and I gave it a shot, well, I guess I was wrong, it wasn’t that bad at all, in fact, the demo was enough to convince me to buy it.

Here’s a video of the gameplay (warning, annoying french accent, you may want to press mute):

Gameplay: Smooth, Fast, Great… The Story mode is actually quite fun, and quite challenging. You work for a private military contractor and run missions such as protecting oilfields from attackers, or bombing weapons depots, and have air-to-ground and air-to-air fights. You have wingmen you can set to attack or defend you, but they pretty much suck, takes them forever to get shit done, if they do it at all.
Graphics: Great Graphics, you play over locations such as LA, DC, Tokyo, Rio, etc… and it’s very realistic looking.
Controls: I thought I’d have to learn a whole new set of flight controls/buttons for weapons, but it really wasn’t that bad… yes, it’s simple enough that douche Dr. Meat might even be able to figure it out.
Online: Yes, it has online play, which is usually my favorite type, but I’ll admit, I haven’t tried the online play yet… I know, I suck, but I’ll get to it!!!!
Overall rating:

Crappy Games

SlappyMcNutsack — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 00:23:29 +0000

Why have video games sucked so bad lately?
Besides the Call of Duty series, has anyone found anything good lately?
I’m sick of ww2 BS.