1. AT&T.

Listen, you sonsabitches, I don’t give two rats fucking that it isn’t time for a motherfuckin’ upgrade.  I want a fucking iphone.  Now.  I already went into the apple store.  Spent an hour going through the registration process with the correct upgrade price only to have that fuckin’ B.O. smelling motherfucker say “Uh, don’t know what’s going on here.  We can’t control anything on AT&T’s end.  Sorry”.  Yeah, sorry.  Fuck you.  I want my fucking iphone already.  So then I leave the store only to find that this motherfucker killed the sim card on my original phone.  Great.  I drive to an AT&T store.  They ask me, “Well, why do you want to fix this phone?  Where’s your iphone?  It says here you have an iphone.”  So I punch the guy in the throat.  He dies.  The manager calls the cops, and I barely get away.  Then I call the Apple store.  Tell them to fuck off.  Then I call AT&T.  They tell me to fuck off.  Then I call Joe Pesci.  He fucking kills everybody.
Bottom-line:  Fuck you mutha fuckin’ cell phone companies.  Especially AT&motherfuckingT. Get your fuckin’ shit together.


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then watch Brody Jenner’s new show “Bromance” on MTV:

1. Go down on Madonna.

2. Go down on Skeletor.

3. Watch Rosie masturbate.

4. Lick a homeless guy’s feet.

5. Run my fingers through this guy’s hair.

Granted I am somewhat of a goon for even knowing that this show is going to exist. But when your girlfriend’s life revolves around what new bar in West Hollywood the girls from “The Hills” are at, pretending to argue and cry over douchebags that have never worked a day in their lives…this sort of shit comes up. “Bromance” will certainly be the highest rated television show for 16-35 year old Guidos from New Jersey, since “Extreme Home Makeover”. For example…these guys: Tools