Ok, you piece of trash. You are worse than a rapist. No, you are a rapist. You unoriginal, cheating, couldn’t pull a piece of ass unless your finger poked through the toilet paper, son of a bitch. Show yourself. Finish your dick sandwich, then stick your head out of that window so I can cook a grenade in your ugly face. I’ll then empty a clip down your headless throat.

Call of Duty glitches straight suck.

These cheats that allow online players to sneak under the actual gameplay map unseen from the real players and pick us off unknowingly are total bullshit.

Way to ruin it for everybody, you immoral spawns of hate and pus. We hope your mothers all contract rectal cancer and their last painful, dying words are that they wished your fathers would’ve pulled out and blown you on their face. Because you turned out to be a worthless waste of money and effort. And they’re glad they at least got to spend the majority of your childhood drunk.

Dammit. I need to go punch someone.

1. Seriously, don’t watch this.

2. Jesus, this looks horrible. Hey, Samuel L. Jackson, we get it, you’re a fan boy. That doesn’t mean you have to be in every fucking movie in the genre. And Nick Fury’s white. Douche.

3. I’ve had it up to here (pointing to my asshole) with this motherfucker. Hey, Kevin, remember when you played in Minnesota and you and your team sucked serious cock? Congratulations on getting traded to a championship team. Way to go on being a humble, grateful team player. You handle yourself with the dignity and grace of a true champion. Your family must be proud that your not a total asshole and that all of this success hasn’t gone to your giant head. You fucking prick.

4. I fucking hate little dogs.

5. Call of Duty 5. This motherfucking game is the bane of my existence. The first 20 seconds of this video pretty much sums it up for me. Besides the fact that some punk-ass bitch is blowing my arms and legs off before I can even get my cross-hairs on them, they’re talking shit to me in Arabic or Chinese. Not to mention she’s probably 10 years old.

null – Watch more free videos

11:32am Woke up.
11:33am Didn’t shower.
11:38am Ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes.
11:41am Watched Sportscenter.
11:45am Fired up the PS3.
11:47am First 10 Kill Streak on Call of Duty 5.
12:08pm Second 10 Kill Streak on Call of Duty 5.
12:17pm Burned frozen pizza.
12:22pm Drove to McDonalds.
12:25pm Ate McDonalds.
12:37pm Back to PS3.
1:49pm   Masturbated to the new GQ pics of Jennifer Aniston.*
1:52pm   Nap.
5:08pm   Woke up.
5:12pm   Read 8 comic books in bed.**
6:30pm   Left house to watch “The Day The Earth Stood Still”. Keanu is the man.***
9:00pm   Fired up the PS3.
9:15pm   Third 10 Kill Streak on Call of Duty 5.
1:01am   Ate previously burned frozen pizza washed down with two Mountain Dews.
4:21am   Masturbated to the new GQ pics of Jennifer Aniston.*
4:23am   Went to bed.

*I didn’t actually use the magazine. I used the internet. Because that magazine is for gay bankers and fans of Tom Brady.
**These books included “Watchmen” and “Y:The Last Man”. Both, of which, should but probably won’t make excellent movies.
***Keanu is the man. Don’t get me wrong, he’s laid more than his fair share of turds in Hollywood. However, if you haven’t seen “Constantine”, do yourself the favor. It’s like Johnny Utah fighting Bodhi, except Bodhi is fucking Satan.