A bunch of sources are reporting that The Roots will be the new house band for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. I’m awestruck by this, but I guess somebody has to pick up the slack for that ass clown. I hate Fallon with every fiber of my being for prancing around on the field in Busch Stadium after the Red Sox beat the Cardinals in the 2004 World Series. The fact that it was just for a movie pisses me off even more. That movie was an abortion. Even Sox fans hate it, and they eat up anything that feeds their enormous egos. 

What I can’t understand is, the Roots are fucking awesome, and Jimmy Fallon is most definitely the antithesis of awesome. The Roots are a bunch of cool, edgy hip-hop guys, and Fallon is a geeky white guy that laughs at his own jokes too much. It’s the equivalent of Bob Dylan hanging out with the retards from The Hills. Why would they agree to do this? I just can’t fathom how they’ll mesh, although I guess the one thing they have in common is that they’re big with college-aged kids, so maybe it’s a perfect storm of ratings for the pot-smoking, glue-sniffing demographic. I guess somebody has to be buying “SNL: Best of Jimmy Fallon” DVD’s. Let me guess…2 hours of smirking and giggling at Horatio Sanz? I’ll pass.

Anyways, this reminds me of a good story that brought joy to my black heart. A friend of mine that lives in NYC was once at a party that Fallon attended, and ended up playing table tennis (beer pong, probably) against Fallon. The stakes of the game were that the loser had to buy the winner a shot. Well, my friend proceeded to dominate Jimmy, and trash-talk him the whole way. So, before the game even ended, Jimmy ended up getting pissy and storming off. For the rest of the night, my friend followed Jimmy around the party, while he was trying to talk to people and hit on girls and repeated, over and over, “Hey Jimmy, you owe me a shot! Hey Jimmy, you owe me a shot!”. Needless to say, Mr. Fallon was nonplussed. I wish I would have been there, because that just illustrates to me that he’s exactly the weaselly little shit that I think he is.